BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS

An Arctic top 10

To the editor:

As a longtime Adirondack hiker, I trust that you in the North Country have enjoyed the polar vortices as much as – or more than – we here in the Finger Lakes. For some comic relief, you may share this top 10 I wrote to cope with the freeze.

Tonight, from our home office in central New York – the top 10 things overheard during this Arctic winter:

10. Kids, look! In the backyard … emperor penguins!

9. Just set it to “Bake,” and put me in for three hours at 425 degrees.

8. Gee, your skin seems bluer than normal.

7. Help, I’ve frozen and I can’t unthaw!

6. Officer, they looked like elephants but with lots of long, shaggy hair.

5. That’s right, the geese flew to Mars for the winter.

4. Make that one part Scotch … three parts antifreeze.

3. Is that an icicle in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?

2. We switched to the Kelvin scale; it’s warmer to say 250K than minus 9F.

And the number-one thing overheard during this arctic winter …

1. We apologize for the flight delays. Boarding will begin as soon as the pilots have been de-iced.

Tom Sheehan

Newark